So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I smell stomach acid.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
