You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Someone came in the potted fern
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
