I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
