hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
