4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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