Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
