He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
