Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
