burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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