Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
