the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
