Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
