I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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