smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
