It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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