I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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