her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
