I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
