We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
