So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You're a waste of cheezeits
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
