is your mom at the bar?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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