Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
