I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
