ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
