when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
