What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
