The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
