my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
