I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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