Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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