Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
