my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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