Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
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