I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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