I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
