She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
