Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
