Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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