Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
