Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
