I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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