it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
