I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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