remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
