Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
