She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
