Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
