Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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