508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
