): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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