Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
