so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just found puke in my bra..
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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