Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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