I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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